


This Is Where I Leave You

by alicekittridge



Series: This Is Where I Leave You [4]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Feelings, Other, POV Third Person, Past Tense, some violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:15:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25324516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alicekittridge/pseuds/alicekittridge
Summary: "You can't expect me to forget just because I've found a home."Ellie decides to go to Boston to put her suspicions to rest.
Relationships: Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us)
Series: This Is Where I Leave You [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1829836
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	This Is Where I Leave You

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to write this for a while but never found the right way to do it. These two are the heart of the video game series, I feel, and I wanted to write something that reflected that. This work takes place before that cutscene in the game where Ellie's in Boston. 
> 
> Thank you, as always, for reading xx

**Jackson, Wyoming**

** 3 Years Ago **

**A** **utumn was in** the air. There was a certain crispness to it that one could feel, like stepping suddenly on a leaf and hearing it crunch underneath one’s boot. Ellie was glad of the cooler weather. It meant she could don the hunting jacket that’d been a birthday present. It was made of real leather, dark and tanned, and was fitted to her form. In time, it would mold to her.

“I wonder which cow he had to kill for this,” Dina had said, stroking the sleeve while Ellie held the jacket up.

She studied it. The leather was a coffee brown. A dark roast, Joel would call it. She’d said, “Looks a little like Hildebrand.”

“That mean bastard got what he deserved, then,” Dina had said. “Turned into a leather jacket and steak sandwiches.”

The sky outside was just turning blue. Crickets still sang. A breeze whispered by, kissing the back of Ellie’s exposed neck. She pulled on her gloves, stuffed her hands into her pockets, and made her way to the stables, where Joel would surely be, horse saddled and enjoying a last-minute brush. Forever the earliest riser of the two of them. He blamed it on getting old. Said his body ached if he stayed in bed past six.

“Don’t let me catch you wishing you were older,” he’d told her once. “It’s not as fun as it looks.”

“Life’s not fun when you complain about it,” she’d returned, and he’d smiled.

They were doing the river trails today. She’d only been on them once and fell in love; they were peaceful and quiet, and offered the best views. Had they not been on a clock, she would’ve ventured near the edge of one grassy cliff and sat and gazed and sketched for ages. If there was time, she told herself, she’d do it. Stay in nature for a while. Wish she could grow into a tree and stay like that forever, unbothered, save when lightning struck on stormy days.

She rounded the corner into the stables. They were warm and smelled of fresh alfalfa and the distinct smell of horse. On the far end, Andy, one of the farriers, was re-shoeing a heavy draft horse. In the middle was Joel, talking to Bryan, brushing out the knots from Ronan’s dark mane. Both turned at Ellie’s approach.

“I was afraid I’d have to knock on your door,” Joel said.

“I’m not that late,” Ellie said, accepting the reins that Bryan handed over. He already knew Shimmer was her favorite. (She was everyone’s, really. Her disposition was sweet, most especially with the children.) “Sun’s not even up.”

“Which is why we should get going.” He held his hand out to Bryan. They shook.

“I’ll be careful with her,” Ellie promised him.

At the gate were Jesse and a handful of others, handing out weapons, giving the usual speech. Old news, by this point, but always heeded. Ellie accepted the rifle Jesse held out to her, slinging it over her shoulder. She mounted and waited. The gates creaked open, revealing three split trails and an expanse of dark woods, silhouetted against the early blue sky. Fog crept over the tops of the trees.

“You all know the drill,” Jesse said. “Let’s go.”

Three patrols split down the paths. The hoofbeats of each faded into the woods, until all Ellie could hear was the drumming of Shimmer and Ronan’s shoed feet on moist earth and the chorus of autumn birds singing to the rising sun. She breathed in the fresh air, let it fill and cool her chest. It’d been a long while since it was just the two of them. She reminisced on the early days. How she grew to like Joel. And then love him. She learned what it meant to have a father in one’s life. It was lovely to have someone who would be proud of the things you’d done, to teach you to play his favorite instrument, to restore them, to teach you to shoot a rifle even though the damn thing had far too much kick for someone young to handle. And like all fathers and daughters, there were rifts, and arguments, and apologies. Lately the rifts were becoming more common.

They were a good distance from home when Ellie asked, suddenly, “Do you wish I was younger?”

Joel slowed Ronan. Looked over his shoulder at Ellie. “What?”

“Do you wish you could’ve frozen me at twelve and had me stay that way?”

It took a long moment for him to answer. “Things weren’t easier back then, kiddo.” A pause. “Why are you asking this?”

“Sometimes I think you wish I wouldn’t question you as much.”

“I can’t help that you’re still curious,” he said, and then added quietly, “And you’re right. Sometimes I wish that.”

“Because you don’t always have the answers?”

“I know where you’re going with this.”

“You keep avoiding it,” Ellie pressed.

“Now really isn’t the time.”

“Then when is?” She had slowed Shimmer to a stop. The world was blue, now, including the fog that danced slowly around them. “When is the right time, Joel? When one of us is dying? That could be real fucking soon, given the world we live in.” A heavy silence. “You can’t tell me you don’t think of it too.”

He nodded.

“Then tell me,” she said. “If we’re both so haunted by it, relieve us both of that weight.”

“I’ve said before,” he began, “and I’ll say it again. It meant nothing.”

Acid rage warmed her limbs. “I believed you back then, you know,” Ellie said softly. “But I was twelve. I didn’t know better.” She urged Shimmer into a walk. “I’ve learned to spot a liar since.”

For long minutes, it was only her on the trail, Joel lagging behind. The river lay to her right, curving like a cold snake to and away from her. Eventually it curved sharply left, interrupting the path, and disappeared into the woods. She led Shimmer through the shallow but rapid current, then followed the path up until there was a gap in the trees. With the sky growing lighter each minute, the fog dissipated, leaving behind a clear view. Across the way was another stretch of mountain, dotted with long-abandoned cabins that had once been vacation homes. Near them was a spread-out group of infected. It wasn’t hard to tell, even from a distance. Ellie dismounted, unshouldering her rifle, giving Shimmer’s neck a brief stroke before taking up a post near a large pine tree. She gazed down her scope, counting how many there were. Joel joined her, his pace hesitant.

“Leftovers,” Ellie said quietly.

“Probably from that horde Tommy saw last month,” Joel said.

Ellie loaded a round into the chamber. She aimed for the closest cabin’s window. Fired. The shot echoed in the empty space. The glass shattered. The infected, woken from their twitching trance, gathered near the sound. More streamed from buildings. Together she and Joel took them out, one by one, until there was nothing but a pile of bloody dead.

She turned away, making to return to Shimmer, but Joel gripped her arm. He said, “Let me ask you something.” She stepped back. Stayed silent. “You aren’t thinking of going back, are you?”

“Why would I?” Ellie said.

“I know you,” Joel said. “I know your tendency to hold grudges—”

She interrupted. “Joel. Everything I have is here. All right?” She moved back to Shimmer. “But you can’t expect me to forget just because I’ve found a home.”

The statement sparked something within her. She thought of red lettering and concrete floors the rest of the patrol, through lunch, through firearms practice and inventory. A plan began to form. She was scheduled for her first solo patrol tomorrow morning. No one would blink if she showed up, took Shimmer, and began on the trail. She could turn direction once she was out of sight, and no one would be the wiser.

The plan was solid by dinner. Afterwards, too restless to sleep, Ellie sat at her desk and penned a note. She packed everything she would need into a backpack.

She’d been preparing for this for years. It was time to finally face it.

> _To whoever finds this,_
> 
> _I 've gone east, to Boston. I have to put this to rest. The lies eat at me. They won’t stop until I know the truth. I wish you the best until I return._


End file.
